Things I Still Don't Understand about Italy

Hello all again! Sorry to keep you all waiting...again but here I am! Most of you know that I have been living in Milan now for 3 years and I also studied abroad in Italy in 2013 (oh my goodness!). At this point I like to think I know Italy. Yes its a different country and I have had to learn their ways through friends, living with an Italian family, and of course my boyfriend. Thankfully learning and adapting to Italy's culture wasn't extremely hard because its not incredibly different from my own so I mean asking a couple questions here and observing there, I think I figured it out. However, as many questions as I have asked or observations I have made, there are some things I just don't understand about Italy! These are things that I have tried to understand and have even discussed with others because it really blows my mind. So here we are a list of things that I really don't understand about Italy and I probably have to accept I never will.

1. The General Chaos

Italy I love you but I don't understand how you are still functioning as a country. Nothing is organized or communicated and yet here you stand. For example, immigration. I have been waiting on important documents for over a year now and anytime I go to a public office they ask where is this document, and I say I am waiting for the police to tell me its ready and they say well we can't help you until they give it to you, so I ask the police for the document and they tell me they are waiting for the government. So insert me pulling my hair out here. Everything is a catch 22 and everyone seems to have their own idea about how the rules work. I mean different parts of the government don’t even talk to each other how do I expect anyone to know what the actual rules are. For example, I went to another public office(let’s just say they are my least favorite offices to visit)to pick a doctor, cuz you know free healthcare, and I was turned away because I was missing one document, after I just waited hours I walked away with nothing. I go back the next day with every document I could find, see a different person who does not even ask for the document I didn’t have the previous day and I am out in 20 minutes. How? What? It’s not just public offices here. I mean if something breaks and you need a repair of any kind you’ll probably have to talk to 10 different people to discuss exactly what kind of repair you need, then they will tell you they can fix it either one week from now or 1 year. Don’t hold your breath for anything to be fast yet everyone seems to be ok with it, I guess. When I ask why is it like this I get the usual shrug and because it is response. I mean I have heard stories of people not being paid for months(!) because either someone didn’t communicate or they were waiting on another person for paperwork. I am telling you, never ending circle. Another fun story, because stories are fun, the bank. I scammed myself online, which is a story for another time, and basically my card started getting charged all these crazy charges so blocked that real fast and I tried to order a new card. Well we are in Italy so of course the app and website would not allow me to order a new card and I had to go in person. Fine whatever I need to get this figured out. Go in, nice man helps me, says I can have a temporary card today, no problem. I was like sweet! Is today my lucky day? I spoke too soon because computer system crashed and the nice man was like come back in 30 minutes, I’ll try to reset the computer and my coworkers will just finish it up for me. Sidenote: these coworkers are sitting at the desk with him, have heard our story, even tried to help at some point. So we come back in 30 minutes and we walk up to the coworkers and they are in disbelief. They have no idea what we are talking about, they are asking for documents that I didn’t have on me in the moment and the nice man didn’t ask for so they were getting mad, and in the end made me make an appointment two weeks out with a completely different person. So we left empty handed after a couple of hours and we went in twice. I was like I am not going to this appointment I am going back tomorrow to the nice man. I went back the next day, nice man was there, in and out in 5 minutes, no freaking problems. I don’t understand why it works like this but I am starting to accept that I will never know. Will something take 5 minutes, 5 hours, or 1 year and 10 different people? Guess that’s the fun, isn’t it Italy? Always keeping us on our toes.

2. The holiness of Calcio (cal-cho)

I enjoy sports. I played them growing up and I still enjoy watching them from time to time. However, I miss the diversity of sports, you know flipping from basketball to baseball to football, oh look pro bowling is on, let's watch that until something else comes on. In Italy its soccer or as the Italians say calcio. Yes there are other sports here but they don't get the same coverage as soccer. Also people aren't just fans here they are die hard fans.

We went to the stadium, San Siro to be exact, a couple weeks ago to watch an important match(or so I was told but I think I am just being told they are all important) and the stadium was full. We had a supporter of the other team in our section and when he was celebrating a goal, people in the section were spitting on him, yelling at him, someone was trying to jump on him. I was terrified for this kid and honestly he wasn't even phased by it was like he knew the risk. This isn't a sport its a religion. My man who is not religious at all, does the sign of the cross when we enter the stadium before we watch his team play. Every single time. Even at home if its a big game. People have alters and shrines for their teams. My boyfriend's uncle has his favorite team on his birthday cake every year. This sh*t is serious. I understand the fandom, I mean the USA has its die hards don't get me wrong, I guess what I don't get here is all the focus on one sport and the distaste for all the other sports. I don't really seeing anyone encouraging other sports or other sports even really televised unless you pay for a specific subscription. For now I'll just enjoy my time at the stadium.

3. TV shows

Ah yes, TV. I think in this moment this is my favorite thing to just not understand. Italy has got its typical shows like cooking shows, travel shows (mostly about food of course), old re-runs, and cartoons. However I am always confused about Italian shows, like daily shows or game shows. In the USA we have a lot of game shows and I thinks there's a new one everyday and Italy also has their own game shows, but I don't get them and I am not talking about the language. The things that are allowed to be on national TV astounds me. I am talking what women wear on these shows, what they make women do on these shows and just some of the content.

Women on these shows are always dressed to show their best assets if you know what I mean, and the cameras are always focusing on those parts while they are talking instead of you know focusing on them talking. Also women will have parts in shows where they come out, for example, to read a questions but they are always half dressed and have quite a bit of plastic surgery and there is some ordeal made about them entering the room, like the hosts escorting them or making the men in the audience turn around while they enter, like why! Yes I understand it is this ladies job and she literally signed up to do it but like this is allowed on TV and the women of Italy are ok with it? I am not. Also the shows in general. I get the game shows, who doesn't love a good show to test your knowledge but there are some shows that I don't understand the purpose of. There are quite a few of satire new shows. They just make fun of the news. Yes I get it sometimes current events need to be lightened with some jokes but you need 3 different networks to do that? I also never get the tone of the show. Its trying to be investigative and satirical at the same time and I guess I never get where the joke or sarcasm is because its just showing the problems that exist within the country, ya know the chaos. One show that I am always

surprised that is allowed to be on TV, is called "Ciao Darwin".

This show has two groups that discuss why they are the better group and the point of the show is to create the perfect human(Darwin, ya get it?). First thing, why? Who thought of this idea and why was it approved? Next thing, how is this ok? They make groups like, fat vs skinny, plastic vs. natural, or tall vs. short and the list goes on, every time its a different group. It goes back and forth and one person from each group says why they are the superior group basically. I once saw a lady flash her butt to prove that natural was better. Like what?! It was shown, it wasn't blurred it wasn't cut. Nothing. Last thing, there is a part of the show where "Mother Nature" comes out and chooses the "winner". Its a new lady every show, barely dressed who is escorted in to a specific song and just like picks a winner, I think. Like I said this whole thing confuses me and I'm not really sure why this is on TV but obviously people watch it(my boyfriend for example). So in all I guess TV shows confuse me because the women are always sexualized and like the public is ok with it and its ok to be on TV like that and the humor and point of the shows is just lost on me. Sorry Netflix, looks like its just me and you for now.

4. Homophobia and Immigration

Italy you are full of surprises. I mentioned above that women are quite sexualized on TV but it doesn't stop there. Sex is quite open here, which doesn't bother me, everybody does it why do we pretend we don't ya know. What I am getting to here is, for being a catholic country that is quite open when it comes to sex why is the homophobia so strong here. You all kiss each other to say hello! This is a discussion I have tried to have with my boyfriend but it doesn't really help relieve my confusion. He says its cultural we kiss because we always have. Ok great. To me, yes thats great but whats the difference? You all are kissing anyways why can't they hold hands? Don't get me wrong I have met many open minded Italians and Milan is a very gay friendly city compared to other parts of Italy especially the south but its the constant pointing out that someone is gay or the obvious change in manor when they learn someone they know is gay. I really don't get it. I try my best to educate and have conversations but Italians, they have hard heads. Along with the homophobia that is always present, another thing I don't understand is Italians and immigrants. Italians have categories of immigrants. Those that are ok and those that are not. For example, I am considered a good immigrant. I am white, American and I am a girl. Someone who is a refugee, different skin color or from a country not on good terms with Italy is bad. I don't get it because we go through all the same processes, we have to fill out all the same paperwork but I am welcome and others are not. I have seen it first hand how differently they treat immigrants too. I have to go to the police station often to keep up my papers and I am always spoken to nicely, given direct answers or helped immediately. Others I have seen not helped, passed over or yelled at for not understanding something and when asked a question they are given vague answers. I really don't get it. Maybe this is similar in other countries but so far this is the only place I have experienced it. I don't know if its the hard headedness or just the racism but last I checked, immigrants are immigrants and we should all have the same opportunities. This is something I will never understand or accept.

Sidenote: there is a nice film out, in Italy (sorry America) called Tolo Tolo that is about immigration and makes fun of italians and their views. Highly recommend!

5. The fear of Modernization

Italy is based on tradition and we love it for it. I mean people wouldn't visit it year round if it didn't have its traditions or history but for the love of Jesus, get with the times. Things I think one should be able to do online is almost impossible here. Banking, for example. I have to go in person to "change my bank". Meaning I changed addresses so I have to change my home bank. Why can't I do this online? Why can I not go to any bank location in the city I live? Why does it have to be the closes to my home address and why do I have to make an appointment with a specific person? By the way I didn't change banks just changed my address and thought I should probably tell the bank incase they try to send me things, you know adult things. It took me months! Something I think you should be able to do online, you know in personal info. Another thing with banks, buying things online with your debit card. I guess this is a recent thing. Before you had to go through pay pal and use your actual account info so now the process is a little easier. Yes most banks now allow you to purchase things online with your debit card (however make sure you ask that you can or request the debit card that allows online purchases) but you have to confirm it all with your bank.

I have to carry around a little plastic key code thing that when I want to confirm a purchase i have to dig through a million drawers to find where I last put it, press a button for a code, type in said code on the site I am trying to make a purchase, cross my fingers that it processes and is approved before it closes me out, and once approved carry on with my purchase and blah blah. Why? I get extra security and now I can do it through the app but because its Italy and nothing works, I could be trying to make a purchase and the app won't load, or the code doesn't work or my phone doesn't get the sms (yes you read that right sms) with the code. I guess the security code on the back of the card is not enough for Italy. It always has one foot in the door and one foot out with technology. I don't miss a lot about the USA but being able to do things on my phone quickly and mostly painless I miss. Making appointments, ordering, or tracking things by an app seems like a million years ago. Maybe one day Italy will get there but I don't ever see this country being on the same level as many others with technology. They love tradition I guess. Why change what already doesn't work ya know?

Well that's all I have for the moment. Let me know if you agree or have anything to add to this list.